Stick to your own job.

Sometimes when I am working with separated parents who are in conflict, I find that they are often doing their own parenting and, at the same time, trying to control what happens when the children are with the other parent.

There are two disadvantages here. Firstly, it is impossible to control the behaviour of your ex, so you may as well stop trying. Secondly, the task of the mother and that of the father are different, and at the same time, complimentary to each other. Consequently, while there the other parent is willing and able to do his or her parenting task, it is counterproductive for one parent to try to do both. The children will be missing out on diversity.

If you are doing a good job of parenting, it is natural for you to expect the other parent to live up to your exacting standards, and to exert pressure for that to happen. Leave that burden down, and let the other parent take responsibility for her or his job. It may not be perfect, but parenting never is. It only needs to be good enough.

When parents finally realize that they are expected to do only their own task, and not the two jobs, it can be a huge relief. So stick to your own job, and enjoy it.