We often refer to children as 'our children' or 'my children', but do we really own them? It might be more useful, especially in the context of separation, to think of the children as being in our care for the time being.
We get to parent them from birth until -if we have done a half-decent job- they are ready to live independent lives of their own. This does not mean that we don't love them, feel responsible for them and try to protect them from danger. We do all this and more as parents.
However, if parents can let go of the notion of ownership of the children, the battle of who gets time with them after separation may be defused. The idea that both mother and father are needed to parent the children can take the focus away from the supposed 'rights' of the adults, and put it where it will be of more benefit - on the needs of the children.
I often hear mothers say: 'I let their father see them once a week', or 'I stopped them going to see their father'. Fathers counter with: 'I am paying maintenance so I have a right to see the children', or: 'it is only fair that I should have the children fifty per cent of the time'.
When hearing these statements, the question that occurs to me is: 'How is this helping the children'?
No comments:
Post a Comment